I don’t even know wtf this genre is.
I’ve been in love before, many times, but never been stupid enough to reach out knowing the probabilities. I feel comfortable sitting in the dark corner of my room and conversing through texts, but not this time. I couldn’t stand weeks of her absence. Number of Gautham Menon films influenced too, to start the journey to her without second thoughts.
I started from home without much money. Well, if money runs out, I had plans of busking and earning my ticket back. Contingency plans! It was a lonesome travel, with none to converse, but I felt more accompanied than ever, bearing her thoughts throughout. As station neared by every hour, I lost my sleep and my appetite. All I had to do was to see her, nothing more, nothing less.
The station arrived after hours of me tormenting the TTR. I had to walk penniless. It was weary, yet, love makes one stupidest. I feared I would drop down and end up with ALS. Headphones and alienation helped to focus on her and her alone. I dared to speak in a language I have no proficiency in. I used Cheta for almost everyone irrespective of gender or age. Cheta, ivada poyi Beach varumo? I don’t think a sentence as such exist in real world. I had to walk assuming Malayalam and Tamil has similar texts. All I could see in the direction boards was round round Jalebis. Somehow, entered a household compound which was locked from inside. The water was fresh as always, but freezing. Well, what can I expect while trespassing?
I caught a 10 mins break to rest for a while, but insomnia never let me. I walked again and almost after 1 hour, I reached the beach. KLF! Amidst intellectuals, I was looking for her in every chair to see that none even resembled her. Hopeless, I returned back, but as I walked I caught someone walking towards me. My dizzy eyes couldn’t see keen, but, I know it’s her. She was so beautiful. We started speaking and within minutes she said that she had to leave. It was funny how I travelled 1 full day for just that few minutes. Something asked me to go with her. We started walking without words. I remember repeatedly annoying her asking not to go. She’s one stubborn woman! We walked to railway platform and sat for the train to arrive in few minutes from then.
As reality struck, we exchanged few words metaphysical. That’s when time favoured me. Train number —– will arrive 50 minutes late. Hearing this, we both had very contrasting reactions. The conversation turned ugly at some point, when my arrogance struggled to reveal itself. My true self, say my evil counterpart liberated itself. I couldn’t remember a single thing we spoke. I was busy losing myself in her game of shadows. In moments, I lost.
Suddenly, I paused. Something told me this moment you’ll never have again! I confessed my actual humaneness for her without screens. I told her how time and conventions can’t affect my love. I told how her choices of men or life won’t push me away. I told how I never knew when it begun nor how it prolongs after so many truths. I told her how I love her differently. I couldn’t see her face then, I was guilty. She was never mine, never will be. But knowing this, yet staying ambitious, makes me the Villain. I thought of walking away, but I heard her speak. Suddenly, she seemed the most beautiful girl on the face of Earth, when sun lit her face. We heard her train approaching and stood fixed. I was greedy and it was answered by God. Two more extra hours to ruin our story that delved in darkness. With one goodbye, she left. I started walking again rethinking and recreating the day over and over again, to be the God in my possible worlds.
Love. It makes one do unexpected mysterious things. It pushes one beyond limits. It both gives belongingness and takes it away. It’s a curse and boon intertwined. I remember this story as a gift of God for an over ambitious atheist. Nothing more, nothing less. Love, it is.